Facing Myself...

So after struggling for the last two years, I am finally ready to face my eating disorder. I've just had this realization that I need to stop the cycle and come to terms with a lot of things I've been fighting. The last two years I've seen myself become a very lost person, and I've felt very unhappy with my body for a long time. It's been two years of struggling to love who I am, two years of rapid weight dropping and gaining. It's been two years of silence and lying to the people I care about, and empty smiles. Smiles that haven't come from a happiness inside me, but from something I've been trying to feel all along but never really felt at all. It's been cloudy and confusing for too long. Eating to let go of pain, but it only brings more. Not eating and hours of exercising only to feel guilty and more obsessive about my body. The overwhelming addiction to being constantly better, and comparing myself to everyone all the time, has been a part of me for so long. I don't really know what to do now. I'm not sure what is next. I locked it away for so long, like a little secret. But now I've told, and I know I am going to be alright, and those who love me will help me find real smiles, and real acceptance. I think I am ready for the road ahead, and maybe a happy smile soon...